PhD, LP Sarah K. Sifers Integrated Behavioral Health
Self-confidence and friendships often go hand in hand. Being confident attracts supportive friends and supportive friends can boost confidence. However, unsupportive relationships can decrease self-esteem, and low self-confidence can increase vulnerability to harmful relationships.
Fortunately, there are things young people can do to boost their self-confidence and increase supportive relationships. Share these tips and tools with the young people in your life.
Inspiration. Create something to highlight your positive qualities. This can be a journal, vision board, slideshow, or other medium. Include your important qualities, strengths, characteristics that make you unique, ways you contribute to the world, examples of your resilience, or anything else that recognizes your value. Keep this somewhere that you can refer to often and look at it whenever you need a boost.
Avoid Self-Defeating Speech. Saying negative things about yourself decreases your self-esteem and increases the likelihood of others responding in a negative way. Discrediting yourself by discounting what you say (“This is a dumb idea,” “I’m not good at this,”) are some examples. You would not talk to a friend this way and it brings your self-confidence down when you talk about yourself like that. However, you can make a conscious effort not to say negative things. When you do say something negative, you can change it to say something positive.
Self-empowerment. Self-empowerment means taking actions to show that you believe in your value and abilities and will do what is best for you. It includes standing up for what is right and feeling good about the choices you make. Affirmations can be a way to practice self-empowerment. An affirmation is a positive declaration of the things you know to be true about yourself. List positive things about yourself. Repeat them on a regular basis and use them when you talk to and about yourself.
True Friends. True friends show trust, honesty, respect, loyalty, kindness, and compassion. They make you feel good about yourself and have your back. Real friends are helpful, don’t stay mad at each other, are dependable, share, and give each other space. List qualities that are important to you in a friend. Which of your friends show those qualities? Think about how you want friends to treat you. Which of your friends treat you that way? How do you treat them? Identify what you and your friends bring to the friendship. Is it worth keeping?
Letting Go of Toxic Friends. Some friends don’t make you feel good about yourself or take from the friendship and don’t give back. They might leave you wondering if your friend is mad at you, talking about you, or going to exclude you. Toxic friends might be fake, withhold information, make fun of you and call it joking, or brag too much. If you think you have a toxic friendship, ask yourself what you like and don’t like about the friendship. What do you contribute to the friendship, and what does your friend contribute (is it balanced)? Do you find yourself wondering why you stay in a friendship?
All friendships have challenging times, but if a friendship often leaves you feeling bad, it might be time to let go. Breaking up with a friend is hard and hurts, but if a friendship is toxic, letting go is the right thing. You deserve to have friendships that bring you more happiness than stress or pain. Think about the following questions when deciding whether to end a relationship. Do you feel uncomfortable before or when you are with this friend? Do you avoid this friend? Is this friend possessive of you? Does your friend bring you down? Are you the one who always reaches out? Does your friend talk about only themselves? Does your friend leave you out? Has your friend really hurt you and not apologized? If you answer yes to these questions, it might be time to start distancing yourself from that friend.
Distancing yourself from a friend is often hard. Refer to your inspiration and affirmations to help you stay strong. Keep using positive self-talk. Get involved in new activities to meet new people. Reach out to people with similar interests or traits. You will find people who value you for who you are and are true friends. You are worth it!
Sarah is a licensed psychologist who works in the pediatric department to offer early and short-term care to children. Contact your primary care provider if you think your child can benefit from behavioral health visits. The first visit can usually be scheduled within 1 to 5 days.
